dark spots

i dont stress often, less than rarely.

i hate being clueless and i hate not knowing whats going on; especially when i think i need to know, like if i think its important. the stress turns to frustration and begins to distract me from my day. at this point i do my best to cleanse myself of these unnecessary emotions with a deep breath, or dozens.

in the end, i remind myself very seldom does something happen that is worthy of me stressing. after all, stressing wont fix a problem.

im sort-of out of words. im tip-toeing around. i want to say as much as i can without giving away secrets. my mind is racing... deep breath.

i didnt stress once this summer.

in class

this class is as structured as a shattered window. bits are everywhere, confusion, chaotic. as academic as running through the woods tripping acid and blind folded. if we, as students, are responsible for completing work on time, i feel it is then the professor's duty to provide a clear, sensible curriculum with realistic and meaningful assignments.

i cant wait to graduate

dreamed

last night i dreamed that i went to an old friends house to hang out, and ended up getting punched in the face. later, in the bathroom tending to my new black eye, i asked a friend if it looked badass; she said, "no, not really." bit of a confidence killer. from there i departed from that house, took a plane home. the plane was a bit strange, im not sure if the pilot was blind or what, but he wouldnt keep his hands on the flight controls. this bothered me. after take-off and landing i exited the plan only to realize once i got home that i left my cat on board. this really upset me, i got really sad in my dream thinking ill never see dylan again. thoughts like, "is this how people lose their pets? who will feed him tonight? what if no one notices him?" just then dylan began his early morning meow-ing and pawing at my door; i woke up and was relived it was only a dream.

capstone meeting

i am currently in a capstone meeting. this project is dragging on, at no fault to my group. we have something due about once a week, but we havent progressed towards solving the original problem. if this project was formatted differently, everybody's outlook would be totally different. whatever, time to work....

Monday

I didnt do any school work over the weekend. i did think about this coming week a lot. running over my 'to-do' list for this week over and over, mentally creating and editing a step-by-step agenda to get me passed tuesday. after tuesday i think ill be able to coast into this weekend.

i sould be working on an Intro to Advertising project. it was assigned on thursday, mine due this tuesday (tomorrow) and some others in the class dont have to turn theirs in for another month. how fair is that? i have never been excited about attending this class, to me it is only a requirement, i have zero interest in what the teacher attempts to instruct. same goes for two other classes.

i wish i could fast-forward to friday afternoon, about 3 o'clock.

Second Post, Friday 13th

this week has been mind bending. way too many things going on at once. projects are stacked on top of presentations piled on finals. everyday i make a list of assignments and their approaching due dates, then aim to cross one off by the end of the day. the list isnt shrinking fast enough for my taste. now its the weekend and i know im not going to work on anything. this behavior has been engraved into my being; for over a decade ive only looked towards fridays and saturdays and dreading mondays through thursday.

having a career could be the end of me. i dont want this schedule for the rest of my life.

First Blog

I'm sitting in class thinking, "This is a waste of my time." Then I created a blog.